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I’m just curious to how city traffic engineers can sleep at night.  I’m serious; I don’t even understand. Are there special, unknown streets specifically designated for traffic planners? Like the kinds of roads that are surely empty at any given hour, free from potholes and lunatics?

Let me just delight you with a couple observations about this new traffic pattern that the state has issued since they want to rebuild the bridges.

First, let me say that as our state ranks 50 out of 50 in bridge safety and that we are a state that is something like 75% waterway, I am 100% in favor of rebuilding infrastructure. It just seems like there’s absolutely no thought or consideration to the impact of these endeavors ahead of time.

So they’re closing the on-ramp to 195, and they make a detour, right?  Yes, the detour moves traffic up Mauran Ave., which would be totally fine except there’s a pothole the size of a fifth grader directly in the middle of the road. And, I might add, it is lacking the customary orange cone to indicate its axle-crushing depth.

So I think to myself, “what kind of a-hole doesn’t even bother to fill the pothole that takes up, like, half the lane before designating it as a bypass for a 2-year infrastructure project?” Oh. That’s right. Rhode Island, I guess.

Now, I really don’t want to rag on the DOT. I mean, I actually WANT them to fix the bridges, but man.. can’t they just put a little thought into how it affects the neighborhoods and traffic within them? Maybe even a hint of gravel in that hole first? Didn’t anybody even survey it ahead of time? It just doesn’t make any sense. Most of these state employees make twice what I make, and they can’t even be bothered to check the course they designate as a re-route?

So of course, I avoid that detour because a) i don’t want to ruin my car and b) it’s super congested for that end of the parkway, so I choose the middle ground and use the Broadway exit which is about halfway between my house and the aforementioned exit.

Do you know that this very morning I sat in traffic for over t w e n t y minutes to get on the freeway? Some of you might think, “aw, lady.. quit complaining! I spend more than that getting out of my driveway!” But I have to remind you that it takes only about 20 minutes to get across the ENTIRE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND from east to west.  So: no. Twenty minutes on South Broadway is entirely too much time to spend on South Broadway.  Well, why is it so full now, you might wonder?

Because of the poorly-planned detour with its resident pothole.  ALL OF THAT DISPLACED TRAFFIC WAS UP IN MY FACE THIS MORNING, which made me late for work and mildly anxious, which led to a bit of manic activity, to which I simply chalked up to heavy caffeine when it was observed.  Ugh.

So I do my job, and I have to stay late because I was late (and I don’t have a cell phone, so I can’t even call to let anyone know!), but then I have to stay anyway because I have to go to my other job which practically in Massachusetts (legit), but only about 20 untrafficked minutes away.  I didn’t get caught in traffic because I didn’t go home first. I did, however, drive past the traffic that was backed up  S O L I D  from as far as I could see down the east bay to almost Thurbers Ave in (count ’em) both directions.  It would have taken me actual hours to get home.  HOURS. In Rhode Island.

To clarify, “hours” in Rhode Island means I’m in Vermont. I’m drinking cocoa with some hairy local who is telling me stories of the days before he was given shoes. I’m talking straight-up hours can get me to mid-Maine. Hell, “hours” could get me to Cape Cod and back. But “hours” to get home? No way, man.

Thankfully, I didn’t take on that nonsense, no. I made my way up to the vegan bakery, but instead of getting cookies and cupcakes and possibly fatty liver disease, I got a “sillyantro” smoothie (for the fiber!), but the girl really loaded it up with ginger root.  It was still good, but it yeowch, it was super spicy! Anyway, I realized how long it has been since I had last visited when I saw that the Dunkin Donuts next to Wildflour was closed in the permanent way. And if that weren’t good enough news, it appears that Wildflour is taking over the space, and the rumor is that it will be a breakfast place.  This, despite my many, legitimate upsets today, was very good news!  I daydreamed about that whole plaza being one fantastic vegan utopia one day. Maybe Like No Udder could make a second location up there, and then that neighborhood will become completely unattainable by any middle-class standard, just like the rest of the East Side.

Maybe this is how my blog will work.